Who Stole the Mayo!

Today was soup kitchen day. After doing the inventory last night, we didn't need much from the store. Wednesday morning was filled with people preparing the trays for the meal and noticed we had no mayo or catsup. The pantry didn't have any either, so we looked everywhere. We knew it was there. Who would want to take one gallon of mayo and two huge containers of catsup? There were about 12 boxes of pudding. Why didn't they take that? After much disbelief and anger over food "stolen" from the soup kichen pantry, the mayo and catsup was found. There is a prankster in the group who is good at stuff like this and played a silly trick on the organizer of the kitchen. He wasn't there very long.
So let us all have mayo and catsup now. Gee.

My heart

Is it a heart attack or not? It used to be that, but I have no damage to my heart. Here's what happened.
Sat 2:00 a.m. severe pressure in chest, called 911. Waited 6 hours in E.R. to get back results.
Sat-results showed a slight enzyme increase which indicated a heart attack warning. Admitted into hospital.
Stayed in there to monitor condition for 4 days.
Wed-air lifted to Edmonton for heart cath. Had a medicated stint inserted, heart is good, no problems.
Sat-air lifted back to Fort Mac
Sunday-given a pass to go home to visit my girls, had to be back at the hospital at 10:00 p.m.
Monday-released.
Funny thing is I was on the psyc ward of the hospital. I teased my girls that they finally admitted me, but not in the cardiac unit! I'm doing better and hope to not have reservations about being alone here. I already had fears of being alone and something happening. Those fears came true. But I'm sure I brought that on to myself. I need to settle down and not be anxious.
A little less that 4 weeks, we will be going home for two weeks. I may not come back. J.K. I can't leave my husband here alone. I have to do this. I have to draw strength from God.

My brother in law

My brother in law has not been the best brother in law though out my married life with his brother. He has brought a lot of pain upon the family since he was a kid. But he has been changing in ways I cannot explain. Only God can. I can see a difference in his actions (somewhat) and in his voice. In the last few years he is becoming a stronger leader and a person I can rely on. The only thing I wish he would change is his drinking habits. I will not give up hope on that. One day that too will change. I pray for my brother in law. God knows my heart. One day my brother in law will cry out also. Thank you, God, for changing my brother in law. I look forward to a good relationship with him and so does his brother!

Prom and Mother's Day

I missed two important events again. Tyler's prom and Mother's Day. Granted, this year wasn't as bad as last, but this is the last year I'll do this again in Fort McMurray. Next year, I'll be home enjoying Tyler's Senior prom and Tori's prom if she goes. And Mother's Day with my family. We didn't go out. Norm doesn't want to go anywhere here and I didn't want to go because of that. I can't take him anywhere here. I'll go sometime myself to the mall and purchase some new underwear or something and eat at the Famous Wok. It doesn't take much to please me. The next big event is 4th of July, since no one is graduating this year. For 4th of July, I'll be home! Question is, will I make it until November??? That is 4 months after that. I hope so. We'll see.

My new friends, Sister in Christ Gwen

Gwen was sent to me by God to help me through some difficult times. Her husband is also a great friend. Gwen knows me like a sister now and senses when I have something going on. She is the cook in the soup kitchen and I have been trying to build a relationship with her so I can know her better. She has two children. And she wants to do what God wants her to do. Being a shy, quiet person, she is wise beyond her 27 years. But she also is not overpowering. She tends to keep her thoughts to herself. Except when it comes to me. She will talk to me and lift me up when I need it. I really appreciate this lady more than you will ever know! I pray God will bless her richly.

God

Today, I felt God's presence. He was at Fellowship Baptist church in the third row second seat from the left. I knew He was sitting there with me. I felt His breath as He spoke to my heart and let me know all is well. He told me not to worry about it. He had everything in control. I trust Him when He tells me that. He also told me He wasn't done with this city. He has plans for it and I am just another mustard seed to plant here. Someone else will come along and water it. I will make my mark here and then I will leave. He will take it from there. But for now, I have a lot to do before that time. I can say to Rejeana, Cindy, Janna and Norman tarry on till that day comes. Mom is on a mission for Christ! I love you all and all is well with my soul!

spring

Spring is right around the corner here in Fort mac. The ugly ravens are off somewhere and the seagulls are flying around the apartment now. We took a ride to the car wash today to wash my bike and finally see some green grass poking through. The snow is almost gone. I keep telling myself to soak this up because this is the last spring I will see here. It will be great when I can get on the elevator for the last time and say so long Fort Mac. I thought about the trip home this coming December and remembered that Cindy and her family aren't going to be there. I don't know if I will like not going home to my welcoming committee. I am so used to them being there I'm not sure if I will like it without them there this time. So many emotions going through my mind is causing me to go crazy. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Right now, I guess I'll just be alone here to finish the job at hand.

My passion

I LOVE TO SEW!!

The "E" word #2.

I worked out today on the bike. Don't know the correct term for it, but I rode for 5 miles I think. The bad part is I got my heart rate UP to 91. That is not good. I feel like I worked out good since I rode for 30 minutes, but I must've been half dead when I started! The trainer says I can get my heart rate up to 160 beats. Is that possible?? Can my heart actually work that fast? I don't think it has ever worked that fast. I guess I'll have to work harder at this "E" word. Back to it this afternoon if I have the energy when I get the kitchen torn apart and cleaned. We'll see. I may have to read instead. :)

The "E" word.

Cindy has been after me to exercise. She isn't the only one, but she has been trying to mentor me into it. I have has such an attitude about it and I think it's because I get preached at by my husband who needs to exercise too. But to me, it is more about my image. You see, I'm his Barbie doll and he loves to buy my clothes and loves it when I wear make up. So when I get pressured to exercise, it's because my image isn't what is acceptable. Having said that, I joined the gym yesterday and will start to exercise today. I love the atmosphere at this gym. It is centered around some sports and I have a heart for sports. Figure skating, ice hockey, badminton, basketball, tennis, racketball, walking track, etc is at the center. I can go upstairs and use the treadmill and watch figure skating at the same time! I hate the E word, but I will try to "run" to use the ice skating rink. I know... I'm not right. I never said I was.
The center has a very special display. It is the olympic torch of 2010! It passed through Fort Mac the day we flew home in NOvember and I really wanted to witness that one time event. Even though I didn't get to, I took a picture of the torch that has been returned for display. I hope I can download the picture to share.

Saying goodbye

I have this lump in my throat. It's the "saying goodbye" lump. It isn't infectious, or can't be cured by going to the doctor. It's something only a good cry can take care of. I am trying hard not to do that right now. I have to leave again on Tuesday and I hate leaving time and time again. One day I won't have to, but for now I will keep this lump until Tuesday. Then it will disappear for the moment. It seems that my life is filled with this knowledge of going back and forth to Canada to finish out the retirement plan. But looking back on our lives, I see that God has been filling my life with that scenario and know that He knew we were going to be doing this and wanted to prepare us. When the kids were in school, we were going back and forth to Carlinville to keep them in the school district. One day I know I will not be doing this. My kids will do okay, mom and dad will be looking forward to July come Wednesday morning.
The lump will come back Wednesday again for a time. Maybe I'll just take some aspirin and do alot of praying.

Going Home

Last night I spent the night with my mom. I always loved to go "home". To be that kid again in the comforts of my moms home. But-it isn't the same. And it isn't because dad isn't there, it's because Norm isn't there. I missed him sooo much and it was only for 12 hours! I often think about that when I think about my mom and mother in law who don't have their spouse. I was lost without mine for 12 hours, how would I feel without him for the rest of my life??? Empty like mom. I feel for her and her loneliness. I can't say what I would do in that situation. No one can unless we had been there.
I can only say God is there. She may not feel Him, sense him or hear Him speak, but I know He is and I know He cares. My mom may never get past my Dad's passing because in my heart I know she isn't leaning on the One who will help her. Not like she did in the past.
Going home is different for me and my mom is different too. When I come back home from Canada, I will have to look after her daily. She is my mom and needs us all.

Easter

Easter. The Resurrection. The day was beautiful starting out as we went to church to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. As I sit here typing my blog, I hear thunder of an approaching thunderstorm and think about how the coming of Chirst will sound. I am reminded that I have to be ready. I have to be on guard when He returns. We all do.
We had dinner with my family today. I think about them and all the changes every is going through. The one change isn't so noticeable. They are not watching or waiting for Christ's return. Some of them are not. I have alot of work to do to prepare them for that event. Question is, am I ready to be fervent about the task? Am I ready to be a warrrior for Christ and witness to them? I have been doing that but not as so intense as I should. I will try harder. I need to.

There is nothing I like better than to hang out clothes. Okay, maybe not better. But it ranks up there with mowing the lawn. Hanging clothes on a windy spring day brings fresh air into the house. I used to hang out diapers. Yes, I used cloth diapers and I loved to wash and hang them on the line. Not only am I saving energy, but I am gettting some sun as well. After today, I would say I am exhausted. I hung out three loads of clothes, racked leaves and got two truck loads of leaves, babysat and cleaned part of the house. Wow. I'm tired. Tonight I will love wrapping myself in my fresh, air dryed towel after my shower and I will be thankful for this day.

Today

Today was fantastic! I will list the things I did.

• Went to the bank
• Went to the post office
• The store
• Rode on the rhino with Cindy and the girls and Norm to the creek. We had a great time.
• Came back and went to see Janna and Tanner. Adam happened to come by. :)
• Came home and changed and went to Rejeanas for supper
• going to church with the girls to choir practice.
• Then home to bed maybe.
  

Yes I had a great day!
This blog is soooooo generic.

Today is a yellow day. I'm sunny and happy. My mom says there is no sicknees like homesickness, but I am here to tell you there is no place like home. The feeling is indescribable. Seeing my kids and grandkids felt like coming back to life. I am alive again. The land of the living is where I can feel better again. Some day I will be here again. January can't come soon enough.
I will not worry about leaving in two weeks, it will be in the back of my mind, but for now I will plan and do what I have wanted to do. It will be a "fresh" new day and a new outlook for when we do go back knowing I will be home again in 3 months. I can do this! By Gods grace, I can.

My life is boring

I'm boring. Yes I am boring. I'm bored, it is boring here, I sick of being bored. Monday night, I won't be bored. I'll be blessed again. Happy, conscience, I'll have conversations with someone other than myself, the walls will have air and will breath again, there will be laughter instead of tears, joy instead of sorrow, comfort and not pain. I'll actually see people smiling. I hate it here. See you on Monday night.

I have nothing to write home about. I'm boring these days.

Today is a blah day. It is cold and snowy out on this March 25th day. Dad goes on midnights and we are ready to go home. Yesterday, the soup kitchen was busy. We fed 126 homeless stoned and drunk people. A woman and her mother fought over something and about tore the place up. At this point, I'm glad I am at the soup kitchen. It has taught me a lot of things about cooking and life. This is the only thing I will miss about Fort McMurray.
I am going to finish Maddie's dress today. I need to construct it and embellish it with something so it doesn't look so drab. That is another thing I am learning while I am here. I am learning to do more creative things with my garments that I make. I will post a photo later.
It is 4 days til we go home. I miss you David, Rejeana, Ty, Jacob, Tori, Joe, Cindy, Carlee, Maddie, ADam, Janna, Tanner and my only son, Norman. See you soon!

I never thought I would ever say when I GO home for VACATION. But that is what we did. My goal was to go to Norman's graduation and that went by so fast it was like I blinked and it was done. Coming back to Fort McMurray wasn't as bad as I had expected. Hopefully, the next few months will go by fast and I will get to go home again. After coming back, I have come to realize that I have the empty nest syndrome. I have looked forward to having that problem for so long that now it is here, I don't like it. But I have to go forward and build a new chapter with Norm. This is another learning process. One that I am afraid will require patience. I will get there, but it will take a little time. My kids are doing okay on their own, I never thought they wouldn't. I just always thought I would be there. The rest of this year will bring new chalenges here in Fort McMurray. I am ready for it. As long as Norm is here with me, we will be okay. Until then, I will move on and face each day as it comes.
I miss you David, Rejeana, Tyler, Tori, Jacob, Joe, Cindy, Carlee, Maddie, Adam, Janna, Tanner and Norman. I love you and will see you soon if the Lord tarries

Another year, another prom. This one is the last prom for my family. There is a sadness for me because I missed my last childs last prom. I really wanted to enjoy the whole senior year process with him since he will be graduating and he is my last child to do so. And guess what, he did it okay without me. Why do I put myself through all this? Because I know that my family raising years are almost over. People would say I should be feeling like this, or like this, , or like this, . And I thought I would be those things, but instead I feel like this-. Depressed, wondering what is next, exhausted, and mad that I couldn't be there.
I will be at Norman's graduation. I want to be there so bad that I wouldn't schedule a drs appointment for my ear on the day we leave for our flight. I want to go home for my son's graduation and NOTHING is going to keep me from it. Unless the plane crashes!
That is a very important time for us all. I feel that my job as raising children is officially finished. Would I do it all over again? You bet. In a heartbeat. I was thinking the other day about Rejeana and Cindy when they were small. Oh how I want that to be again. I would do things with them alot different. But wouldn't we all? The Bible remind me to "press TOWARDS the mark" not around the mark, not beside the mark, and not BEHIND the mark. So, that is my goal. I have to look forward. Forward to what God has in store for Norm and me. He will be my mate of 35 years and this is what we have dreamed of. I will be ready for the next mark in my life. I'm sure there will still be challenges and demands on our lives and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have grandchildren to come along side of them and mentor them into adulthood with their parents. I will look forward to spending alot of time with them.
So for now, I will prepare to pack for the trip home, my son's graduation, seeing my family and for our future retirement. We have alot to do on the farm and it will be good.
Rejeana, David, Tyler, Jake, Tori, Cindy, Joe, Carlee Maddie, Janna, Adam, Tanner and Norman. I love you with every beat of my heart and will see you in 2 weeks, if God tarries.
xxx000

Tomorrow is Easter Day. We celebrate Easter in the spring and is a reminder of everything new and a renewing of our souls after a long winter's nap. It also brings celebration of a new beginning of a harsh winter. To me Easter, this year, will bring a new beginning to the summer, but also a reminder of an absence from my family on this first holiday. A first of several holidays that we will miss together.
But Easter will still go on. We celebrate Easter not because of the fresh spring that will come but because of Christ who rose from the dead to give us victory over death. On Easter day many people all over the world will get on their new Sunday clothes and go to church for their yearly church service, but not really celebrate what the true meaning of Easter is.
The risen Savior is every Christians hope for eternal life with Him in heaven. Christ certainly did not die on the cross because of anything He has done. He GAVE up His life because He knew mankind needed a way of salvation. A salvation from the grips of Hell and eternal damnation. He gave it up for you and me. He didn't have to. Do you know anyone who would do that for you? We think maybe soldiers fighting for our country, our spouse, our parents. What do you think of them doing that for you? Are you honored that one of them would sacrifice their lives for you? I know I am. But much more the sacrifice that Christ did for me on the cross. You see, the soldiers fighting for our country, our spouse or or one of our parents will die for us, but they can't bear our sins at death, they can't come back to life and they can't save us from hell. They also can't provide a relationship that only Christ can give.
Easter reminds me of the relationship I have with Christ. I accepted Him as my Savior at the age of 10 or 11. Without Him, I have no purpose. I am what I am because Christ died a victorious death, but rose from the grave go give me new life and is now awaiting my entrance to heaven with my new body, home, and rewards.
Celebrate Easter with a renewal of you mind but also celebrate knowing that Christ did all this for us.
Happy Easter everyone!

Happy St Patricks Day,
Where do I begin, We arrived in Fort Mac on Jan. 12. It has been a whirlwind experience thus far, but the greatest emotion is the homesickness that set in when Norm went back to work on the 19th. I have never felt that feeling so badly as I have this time. I cried from that day, every day, stayed on the couch for hours at a time, never left this room, feeling lonely, desolate, almost suicidal...until yesterday. I received a package from Rejeana, my daughter, that made my world come back to me. You would've thought that being a Christian I would turn to my Bible, my Lord. He never left me, I just went into deep dark despair and built this wall around me that Satan just loved because it blocked my view of everything-including God. In the package I found two cd's that Rejeana recorded for us with family events. One was Norman's band concert, WIBI's opening act which had a church member trying out for it and then the all time favorite-family dinner. I popped that into my laptop and you know how the video of AH Ha sucked the girl in to see the guy? That is how I was. I got sucked in emotionally back home within my laptop and stayed there for two hours! I felt home, free, elated, happy and just seeing them and hearing their voices made me feel there is a great blessing at the end of this long, long tunnel. Praise God! I actually felt like I was there with my family. I felt life and encouragement. When the cd was over, I was back in this lonely apartment. But it was different. Now when the days get really long and I long for home and my family, I can pop in this CD and I am there if only for the moment. I can't thank Rejeana enough for the gift she sent. It was truly a blessing and LIFE giving for me. Unfortuneatly, I can't say that for Norm. It made him even more ready to go home. In time, he, too will be where I am. Ready for a new day. A newer chance to try this again. I have two years to be here and I have to make the best of it. But for now...I love you Rejeana, David, Ty, Jake, Tori, Cindy, Joe, Carlee, Maddie, Janna, Adam, Tanner, and Norman. As well as the rest of all our families. I love you with every beat of my heart! I miss you. Until we see each other again.....

new

I'm new at this and will just practice for today.